Occasionally, when the topic of housekeeping (doing laundry, cooking, cleaning) comes up among some of my colleagues and friends (either younger or older), the response is always around the idea of getting a wife to avoid the hustle and bustle. Interestingly, this sentiment is shared by the unmarried among us, and even more interestingly, by both genders (yes, this is not only thought by men!). Now this is by no means a reflection on their character, rather, an indication of a deeper societal programming, perpetuated for years, decades, and perhaps even centuries.
Especially within the confines of an African setup, there was a clearly defined traditional role for a woman. Society clearly defined and distinct roles for men and women, dictating what they should or should not do, which echoes back to my earlier sentiments. Traditionally, housekeeping roles such as cooking, cleaning, and child rearing were often considered the woman’s responsibility and often delegated to the girls in the household. I think this is why the default advice to a twenty-something-year-old bachelor (who has completed school, is working, and earns a living) who is undertaking such tasks is to get a wife to avoid dealing with the so-called ‘hustle’.
A man was more often the breadwinner, tasked with ensuring there was a meal on the table and that the family was provided for, especially in terms of resources. He essentially bore the brunt of it. Women, on the other hand, were relegated to the menial household chores. However, the question is, “Does this still hold up in the 21st century, particularly within a modern African context?” This forces a larger question: “What, then, is the role of a wife?”
People today take wives (be it a formal marriage or simply cohabitation) for various reasons. Some do it for sexual gratification, others out of obligation, and others for love. I was actually shocked to learn in my older (albeit somewhat wiser) years that love, while crucial, is not the key thing, but rather purpose is. Well, whatever the reason, I think it is key to examine the dynamics.
While we still do have stay-at-home wives (some by choice and others purely by circumstances), I believe we have moved from the cultural days where women were relegated to the back seat. In a world where women have embraced the same path of education and career as their male counterparts and female empowerment is on a sharp and steady rise, championing for more opportunities for women, I wonder if that sort of thinking holds up?
Yet, through the lens of the present day, I still wonder: Is it right to outright dismiss the wisdom of those who came before us? I mean, they are called wise for a reason. Or is there a meeting point for these two divergent schools of thought? Something worth pondering over.
Right?
